Resentment and Its Psychosomatics

Every time you feel resentment towards someone, approach a mirror, look into it, and say, “I am such an important turkey that no one’s opinion can differ from mine” (shock therapy and humor therapy combined). This is what resentment essentially is – the belief that “no one dares to criticize me.” However, this is just one of the reasons for resentment. Let’s talk about what else lies behind resentment, why it’s important to get rid of it, and how to do so.

Psychosomatics of Resentment Towards People and Its Causes

Resentment eats away at a person from the inside. It becomes the cause of a number of diseases, each corresponding to its own negative psychological setting.

Resentment psychosomatics:

  • Cancer: “sick to death,” “something gnawing at me.”
  • Urolithiasis: “left a sediment,” “my patience is about to run out.”
  • Angina and other throat inflammations: “stuck in my throat,” “like a bone in the throat.”
  • Cataract and other severe forms of vision impairment: “wish I’d never seen you.”
  • Hypertension: “I’m shaking with resentment.”
  • Other cardiovascular diseases: “like a knife to the heart,” “my heart is breaking from resentment.”
  • Arthritis: “my legs gave out.”
  • Obesity: “my opinion should be considered too” (resentment towards parents).
  • Anorexia: “fed up to the throat” (prohibition of expressing feelings).
  • Bronchitis: “I can’t breathe because of this” (prohibition of self-expression).
  • Gastrointestinal diseases: “all this is sitting in my liver,” “nauseated by this” (egotism).

Where Resentment Comes From

Resentment is a combination of sadness and anger. How these emotions manifest depends on a person’s temperament and character. Some shout and insult others (anger) when resentful, others cry (sadness). Some experience both emotions but hide them deep inside.

Resentment Carried Through Life

The mother is the first person in a child’s life. Her attitude towards the infant determines their self-attitude later. Self-esteem is formed from the mother’s evaluation, self-criticism from her criticism, etc. If a mother doesn’t love her child, scolds, humiliates, suppresses, then the child will treat themselves the same way. And they will expect the same treatment from others.

Emotional Breakdown in Childhood

The reaction to resentment is one of the many behavior patterns learned in childhood. We follow parental instructions at that moment. They taught us to react: “don’t pay attention,” “next time, respond to him like this…”, “let’s think together about how to fix this,” etc. If an adult prohibits themselves from expressing emotions, the reasons should be sought in childhood.

Prohibition of Anger

Healthy anger and aggression should be present in everyone, especially when it comes to defending one’s rights. The victim role is learned in childhood. The cause is the example of parents or authoritarian upbringing. Both conditions give the same result – the child cannot stand up for themselves. They don’t know how to set boundaries, defend their interests.

Phrases that deprive a child of independence:

  • “Don’t scream.”
  • “I’m ashamed of you,” “Don’t disgrace me.”
  • “You’re a girl,” “Girls don’t behave like that.”
  • “Don’t you dare contradict me.”
  • “Don’t pay attention to fools.”

Interesting! In authoritarian families with violence, sons often grow up to be aggressors (hypercompensation reaction), and daughters become victims. However, sometimes it can be the opposite (depends on temperament and psychological traits).

Prohibition of Sadness

Sadness arises when parting with something: an idea, desire, hope, material and spiritual goods, people, animals, etc. The mourning stage is very important. It’s necessary to fully realize what happened and let go of the situation.

But some parents don’t understand this and forbid their child to grieve:

  • “Don’t cry.”
  • “Stop whining like a girl.”
  • “Stop it, everyone is looking at you.”

To protect themselves, the psyche develops a special mechanism, and the person becomes impulsive, callous, cruel. They forbid themselves to love, get attached, feel, to not grieve later. And if they do experience bitterness, they do their utmost to mask it.

Prohibition of Emotions in General

In parental language, this is called “behave decently.” From an early age, children are told to maintain face and composure in all situations, including when alone. Or they are directly told that their opinion and state do not interest anyone. Children are instilled with the belief that they must always be strong, the best, imperturbable. As a result, the child lives someone else’s life, does not know themselves, does not understand their desires. This continues into adult life.

Three Types of Resentment

Resentment wears different masks and takes various forms. Let’s look at the most popular ones.


Direct statement by the offended person that they have been hurt. This is an attempt to evoke guilt and get what they want. They explicitly state what the other person should do to be forgiven. This is how children behave: they demonstratively puff up their cheeks to get what they want.

And here’s what an adult reaction looks like:

  • Think about what exactly you want to achieve with demonstrative resentment.
  • Say it from your perspective. Not “you never listen to me,” but “I want you to pay more attention to my words.”

Inability to Forgive

This is also manipulation, but the offended person is not aware of it. In this case, the person doesn’t know why and what they are offended about. But they know what should happen for them to forgive the offender. How to get rid of resentment in this case: • Allow yourself to feel, express your emotions. This is necessary to understand the psychosomatic reason for the resentment, to better understand your desires. • Draw conclusions and change your attitude towards the situation, find something good in it, understand the reason for your reaction.

Betrayed Expectations

Sometimes, we resent people’s actions and reactions that contradict our expectations. For example, a wife demands attention and high income from her husband but does not give the same in return. These are attempts of the inner child to get what they want without effort. Such an attitude is formed in conditions of overprotection and upbringing as a “family idol.” The child gets used to the fact that all their desires are fulfilled without any effort on their part. Solving the problem: • Realize that people can’t read your mind. Learn to express your thoughts, feelings, and desires directly. • Learn to accept other people’s refusals. They are not obliged to fulfill your wishes. Take responsibility for your desires.

Resentment and Forgiveness

Forgiveness is needed not for the one who offended, but for the one who feels offended. By sincerely forgiving, you open access to your inner strength and a happy future. By forgiving and letting go of the situation, you acknowledge that the past does not affect your present. The past does not predetermine the future. You are not powerless or helpless. You are no longer a hostage to the situation.

Cancer and Inability to Forgive

Disease is a reflection of mental distress. A deadly disease is an act of self-destruction, one of the ways of suicide. Resentment makes you feel unworthy. This, in turn, leads you to seek ways of self-destruction. Cancer is one of such options.

Cancer patients have similar character traits:

  • Resentfulness;
  • Self-pity;
  • Inability to build long and trusting relationships;
  • Low self-esteem.

According to psychosomatics, such changes occur against the background of loss, parting with something or someone significant, or due to physical violence. In the projection on family relations, this can be a permissive parenting style or cruelty of the mother in early childhood, violence in adult life, or a painful divorce. So, the cause of cancer is childhood resentment towards parents, another significant person, or resentment towards a significant person in adult life, for example, a husband.

Important! Even death can be a reason for resentment. Very few people can admit that they are angry and resentful at the one who left them. But for healing, it’s important to understand that it’s normal to be angry and grieve. However, it’s important not to dwell on it, but to work through and let go of the situation.

Forgiveness and Guilt Healing

Have you ever thought about the hidden meaning of the words “sorry” and “I forgive”? The former can be interpreted as “from considerations of guilt,” the latter – “just sparing the I of another person.” In both cases, we remove the negative energetic charge of memories. Instead, we charge them with positive energy. This is true forgiveness.


If you resent someone, you usually resent yourself for not being able to stand up for yourself; for not being able to love now, being unrestrained (or too restrained) in reactions; for not being able to let go of the past. Therefore, you should start with self-forgiveness. Recognize that your past is a valuable experience.

Important! Self-forgiveness is freeing yourself from feelings of guilt and shame, anger, and resentment towards yourself, self-criticism, and self-abasement. Recognize your value and uniqueness, love yourself.

Forgiveness as Acceptance and Allowing Misunderstanding

Allow yourself to make mistakes. Understand that everyone makes mistakes. These are life’s lessons, experience. Accept the uniqueness of other people. Realize that you can’t please everyone, your opinions and interests can’t match those of all people. This is normal. Misunderstanding in relationships is also normal, aggression and coercion are not.

Thymus – The Gland of Forgiveness

The thymus gland (thymus) is the physical center of forgiveness. The more love in a person and the more willingly they express it through help, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, the better the health of this organ. The thymus ages over time, its functions are impaired, leading to a decrease in overall immunity. But those who know how to love and forgive experience slowed aging.

How Resentment Towards My Mother Prevents Me from Living

Some people resent everything because they harbor resentment towards their mother inside. If a child faced maternal coldness, gradually they will forbid themselves from saying “I love.” They won’t be able to love themselves and others and will forbid experiencing and expressing warm feelings. Such people forbid others from touching them. But this is not all the features of the psychology of resentment towards the mother.

Psychology of Resentment Towards the Mother

A lack of maternal love leads to the following personality changes:

  • A tendency towards self-destruction;
  • Arrested development (people remain children, unable to move forward, trying to be inconspicuous);
  • Inability to look people in the eye, communication problems;
  • Conviction of their own worthlessness;
  • Self-devaluation;
  • Dependence on others’ opinions, striving to please and be liked.

To heal, it’s necessary to learn to forgive, to experience resentment and unjust treatment. Now you have to give yourself the love and care that you lacked in childhood.

Important! Shift your focus from the thought “I need to get rid of resentment” to self-discovery. Only by understanding your pain, patterns in reactions, and their reasons, can you deal with the past.

Every Mother Paves a Path for Her Child

Family upbringing lays the foundation of a personality. Mom and dad introduce the child to themselves and the outside world. Through themselves, they transmit values and characteristics of the environment in which the child was born. Through words and actions, presence and absence, personal reactions, mom and dad form the basic settings of the personality. They can be so strong that not every psychotherapy method can cope with them.

For example, the setting “you can’t upset the parents” might mean that you have to suppress personal desires and interests, live according to the script of mom and dad. Growing up, such people realize that they are engaged in unloved activities, live with the wrong person, or have not been able to build a personal life. And comes the realization that the mother is to blame, who hid her fears and egoism behind the mask of love. This revelation is followed by resentment towards the mother and irritation. This is natural, but it’s unhealthy and dangerous.

It’s Possible to Get Rid of Resentment

Resentment arises for three reasons: we can’t accept criticism, we don’t value ourselves, we have built inadequate expectations regarding someone. Why does something offend you? Because it’s an unpleasant truth, at least you think so.

The healing scheme is simple and depends on the basic reason:

  • If what was said really relates to you and affects your feelings, then accept the criticism and learn to work on yourself (correct something or accept and stop complexing, learn to laugh at yourself);
  • If what was said does not relate to you, then there is no point in reacting to it at all. You should know and value yourself better.
  • If someone acted not as you wanted, then accept the uniqueness of this person and admit that you were wrong in your judgments. You expected from him actions that he is incapable of.

Important! To get rid of resentment, study your psychological characteristics and those of the other person. Understand him. Realize that he acted not out of evil intentions. He didn’t mean to offend you. He was just being himself, a person with his own pain and worldview.

Now let’s discuss ways to fight long-standing resentments, although they differ little.

How to Forgive Resentment Towards Parents: Two Powerful Forgiveness Practices

Conditions for the first exercise:

  • Take a comfortable position in a quiet place;
  • You should have time;
  • You can repeat the exercise several times;
  • It’s useful to record your thoughts on a voice recorder and listen back.

Speak the following phrases out loud:

  1. Whatever happens in my life, I understand that my soul created it (discuss in detail what bothers you). This is necessary for my spiritual growth. I accept the situation and this person.
  2. As an experience, I received what I wanted from this person (name the person and situation) at a subconscious level.
  3. I admit and accept the fact that at a spiritual level I myself asked the person and situation (specifically) to present me with this lesson.
  4. I refuse to consider myself a victim, and this person (name) an offender. We are responsible for the lessons of fate ourselves.
  5. I refuse to consider the situation good or bad, right or wrong. I just accept it.
  6. I accept the thought that the situation and person (name) help me turn to my nature.
  7. I forgive him (name) and at the same time forgive myself.
  8. I stop blaming others, refuse the desire to be right in everything. I am ready to accept circumstances as they are.
  9. I change the question “Why?” to “For what?” I accept responsibility.
  10. I acknowledge that by resenting and condemning a person (name whom), I condemned myself. I let go of my desires and expectations, accept myself and him (name) as we are.

Forgiveness Practice Upaya

Conditions for performance: alone, daily for 15-20 minutes. Start three notebooks, write phrases only with your left hand three times for 92 days (mark on a calendar).

  1. First notebook: write words of forgiveness separately for mom and dad. Start with whom the relationship is worse. “Dad (mom) forgive me. I forgive you. I thank you.” Bow 10 times.
  2. Second notebook: self-forgiveness. Phrase: “The main purpose of my life is Divine love.”
  3. Third notebook: “Every day my life gets better and better in every respect.”

Important! The exercise helps to restore karma. Upaya are methods of compensating for negative planetary influences. Used in esoteric psychosomatics, psychology, and astrology.

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